navigating race with white people

At the risk of sounding like I'm bragging, sometimes growing up white has it's advantages. Being allergic to confrontation as I am, I've learned to pick my battles when the inevitable race discussions come up. I'm not sure why church people seem to feel more comfortable airing out their prejudices but that's the way it tends to happen. For some reason, it is with them that I am more likely to hear some variation of the "Black friend defense". It is with them that I am more likely to hear that tired argument about White History Month or WET (white entertainment television).

So I suppose I have developed some racial reflexes. Not that we all haven't done that on some level. But I guess I'm just realizing that's what I've done.

1. I don't fight losing battles. Period.. If I know I'm dealing with a devout racist, I say as little as possible and extricate myself asap. No point in wearing myself out when no progress will be made. Now I know some folks think that you should just struggle on for the benefit of those around - but maybe those people haven't been around as many racists, or they're really young or something. I know when I was a bit kore naive I would try to take on the world with my new found knowledge to combat racism and I wore myself out. After comment after comment on this one blog - which really amounted to me banging my head against a wall for an hour or so - I made a comment about how exhausting/emotionally draining it can be. That in turn became a new source of antagonism for the contenders against me. Lesson learned.

2. I never call anyone a racist. I k ow this one sounds like a total copout, but when you're talking to white people, if you call someone other than Hit1er or the K1an racist, the white person just shuts down. They stop listening if they're nice. They start attacking if they're not. Either way, even if it is dancing around it, I avoid this at all costs.

3. I coddle. because I'd like to end this discussion on good terms, if possible. I'm not trying to burn all my bridges here. I live in the South. That means that most of the white people I'm in contact with are harboring racism of some kind - many of them at base still believe in the basic inferiority of brown people (present company excluded). They improve in some ways just through exposure and broadening of horizons - but these people aren't pet projects - they are just unavoidable. So we don't talk about race, and I metPhoricly hold their hands to bring them to a place where they can at least understand that there are other people out there who are still racist.

4. I commisserate. Frankly, if I didn't have any black people to talk to and go over things with, I'd be blowing spit bubbles in the loony bin. When thw wagons must be circled (if I may borrow a colonial reference - revel in the irony), black folks generally know how to come together and support each other - even if it's just a quiet conversation amongst coworkers.

So I avoid the yelling, weeping, and gnashing of teeth that tends to accompany discussions of racism in the presence of white people. But on this particular point must clarify - I have a few white friends that I cam be more relaxed with...but they must each be almost as thoroughly vetted as a potential supreme court justice. =)