making her cry

My sister is the most important person in the world to me.
And yet I probably couldn't count the times I've made her cry.

She's very opinionated and strong-willed, but she values my opinion, and the things I say matter to her.  This is not to say that she doesn't have an equal effect on me - she does.

We were talking tonight about her ideas about some things and I was challenging some things because I was surprised at how adamant she was about defining certain people a certain way.  I'm not in total disagreement.  But partial.

And I thought she was taking it in stride and we could spar back and forth.

But all of a sudden she started to cry and ask me why was I being so mean and said that I'd been mean to her yesterday as well.  (I don't even remember what I could have said to her yesterday that may have been construed as rude or mean.)

I apologized.

But I don't know what happened.  It seemed like things were fine and then they weren't.

My confession is that I think she's too sensitive.  In the "she can dish it out but she can't take it" kind of way.  I think this would also make her cry.

::sigh::

sweet little smack in the face

I'm not actually a violent person, though I'll admit that I use violent imagery in my vocabulary fairly frequently for effect.  I say these things because it is the most comfortable way for me to deal with my frustrations with people, and their stupidity.  And stupidity get on my nerves.

My go to phrase right now is "punch [so-and-so] in the face".  It is not something I would literally do, unless my family were physically in danger.  I would like to say I would do so to defend myself, but I fear I might not have the wherewithal to actually defend myself the way I sometimes imagine I might.  Nonetheless, I certainly wouldn't punch a coworker in the face because they are stupid.  However, I do get the frustration that leads me to utter those words fairly often.

I've considered "punched in the eye" and "punched in the throat", but they don't roll off the tongue for me.

Anywho, I'm considering that maybe I shouldn't say such things.  I'm not sure what the appropriate words for my frustration might be, otherwise.  Just saying I'm frustrated doesn't really communicate my feelings, nor does it have the cathartic and somewhat comical release that the fake threat seems to hold for me.

I don't worry about this, since I'm not a worrier to begin with, but I wonder about whether it's healthy to talk like this.  My old crazy boss used to say she wanted to strangle people.  But she was crazy.

So.  There ya go.  There are a couple people at work that I want to smack in the face - figuratively, really.  But I won't.  And it's even more likely that they will simply get a look.  My face is apparently more expressive than I can control.  I will never play poker.

caught out there

Every once in a while, I'll feel invincible.  A moment of clarity, where I see the things that matter clearly differentiated from those that don't.  Or maybe a moment of hubris where I believe myself to be untouchable. Possibly a moment of insanity where I risk looking like an idiot in front of one of the few people I really care about.

These moments are when I throw caution to the wind and just say what I'm thinking or feeling with very little filter - basically, I'm honest.

It's hard for me to tell someone I miss them when I'm not entirely sure they miss me.  Or if they even care.

It isn't even that deep.  It was just a random email to a friend.  Well.  Not random.  But an infrequent letter.  Not really important.  More about daily sundries.  And a cavalier comment that I miss him.

But he hasn't responded.  And now, I'm thinking too much.  I was just being honest.  There's nothing between us.  We've only ever been friends.  And I'm glad.  It's normal to miss your friends when you're far away.

It's just the empty silence that makes me uneasy.

severe hotness

There is a married dude at work that nearly makes me salivate when I see him.  He is severely hot, and the only person who has ever caused me to be unable to focus on his words by his sheer closeness and hotness combined.  At one point my mouth may have actually been open.

And he's really friendly and always speaks.

But he's married.  With a kid.  Not that there would've ever been anything anyway.

But wow.  I am so seriously in a man desert.

I love to look at this man.