I'm not sure where this comes from, but I have a huge problem with embarrassment. HUGE.
Movies where people do really, really, really stupid things and are made fun of by other people? I can't handle those parts. I end up not liking the movie and feeling really uncomfortable while the incident is taking place.
Just now? I had to mute The Office because Steve Carell - though I love him as a comedic actor - he's SO stupid sometimes that I can't watch. I don't actually watch the show that much anymore - it's just now that Fringe is over...And I can't handle it. It's been on mute for most of the ep.
A few years ago, my boss got married. At her reception, a drunk coworker made a complete @ss of himself. I wanted the ground to open up - and I didn't even know most of the people there. I'd only been at the job a few month - I barely knew my boss.
When I was younger and people who couldn't sing used to get up in front of church to do special music [because it was church and no one had the heart to tell them that they couldn't sing] - I would sink down in my seat and hope no one would look at me. This was actually for two reasons - the fact that I was embarrassed for them, and the fact that I couldn't stop myself from laughing. Sometimes I laugh, even if I'm uncomfortable. Maybe I'm weird that way, I dunno.
But all of this is to say that I feel real anxiety in these and other embarrassing situations. I don't know why, I don't know how to stop it - it doesn't really bother me except for my own discomfort.
Every once in a while I do something personally embarrassing. Or I remember something I did that was. Or I realize that time I thought I was being deep, I was actually NOT. I've had a lot of moments. Even the memories can cause anxiety.
My confession? My continuous fight to be free from shame. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing, but I'm ok.
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